


Consolation

by Alterkrmn



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Comfort, Friendship, M/M, spirk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-14
Updated: 2014-04-14
Packaged: 2018-01-19 09:04:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,243
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1463560
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alterkrmn/pseuds/Alterkrmn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk can not overcome what happened to Miramanee and feels constantly tormented by it to the point of making his first official worry too much about his welfare.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Consolation

**Author's Note:**

  * A translation of [Consuelo](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1030199) by [Alterkrmn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alterkrmn/pseuds/Alterkrmn). 



It had been a few weeks since the death of Miramanee,and despite the efforts of Jim to concentrate on the affairs of the Enterprise and its obligations as captain, he could do little against the memories of that brief time when he had been so happy as never before.

And of course, the first officer lost no detail of these constant periods when Kirk seemed lost in his own thoughts, even if they were brief. Spock was no fool and no matter how green it was the blood running through his veins, the esteem he felt for Kirk was genuine, beyond mere loyalty than his job required.

 

***

 

That night he had been playing chess as if he was not himself. Every time he closed his eyes to concentrate on the next move, the image of that beautiful and sweet woman announcing that she was pregnant with his child tormented him, mixing with the scene of the last time he'd held her in his arms.

–I can not do it –he said to his companion– not tonight, Spock –and retired to his room without giving further explanation.

And Spock would have let the thing alone, but his concern was increasing and he feared for the performance of his captain, not only in his increasingly chaotic chess matches, but in general, so he decided that (even if it was not the most appropriate, and although he finds it difficult to have a conversation of an emotional -illogical- nature) he could not to let pass more time to talk to Kirk about what made him so out of himself.

 

***

 

He was staring at the grayish color of the roof, looking without really looking, when he heard a knock at his door.

-It's me, captain -said the serious, calm voice of Vulcan- I would like a word with you.

Kirk sighed, half exasperated, half resigned. He admitted that it had been a long time without even McCoy interfering in his affairs, hounding him with questions about what had happened in that beautiful and peaceful planet; and now apparently it was Spock who would do it.

-Come in, Spock.

His first officer and friend entered the room, standing with hands clasped in the small of his back, remaining silent a few seconds and then, as he had imagined, spoke directly (since it was not logical to mince words).

-Captain, I wish to talk to you about your present state. I know it must seem like an intrusion on my part, but as first officer of this ship, it is my duty to be concerned for your welfare and ensure it as much as possible and I must say that your obvious discomfort worries me.

-I do not know what you mean, please specify -lied Kirk. Of course he knew and appreciated that until now none of the crew had commented on the matter.

Spock raised an eyebrow. -I mean your mood after the last mission, that in which the female called Miramanee lost her life. You do not seem the same since that incident and I fear that may affect your performance.

"So he finally speaks", Kirk thought and looked at the Vulcan, defiantly. A sudden anger burned in his chest.

\- And how do you think I should feel if she died because of me, because I was nothing but a fraud and she decided to love me? -he clenched his fists without looking away from Spock's dark eyes -I can not forget about it, Spock, not after everything that happened, not after ... -Kirk stopped abruptly, he had a lump in his throat. -How could you understand? -there were other things he wanted to say, reproach, but stopped. After all, Spock was not responsible for anything and, instead, there he was, trying to help him even in his odd way, showing no feelings or anything that might reveal his human half.

-I ... -Spock hesitated -I can try to understand if you would tell me, I can try to be helpful in some way.

-Of course you do -James replied, more calmly, sighing. -There are details that no one yet knows, things that I have kept to myself. Sit down and I'll tell you everything. Maybe if I share the burden it can serve as catharsis -and while the first officer took his seat, he got up to pour himself a drink of strong saurian brandy before deciding to speak openly. -I know you will find the details of my story wildly illogical , but I deeply appreciate your concern and patience.

 

***

 

After finishing the story, Kirk had extremely dry mouth and eyes flooded with tears he tried not to spill. Spock was silent; what logic dictated he should say was something very different to what he felt he had to say, and for the umpteenth time and secretly suffered because of his mixed nature that made him hesitate at times like that.

-Now you understand everything, Spock ... now you know the cause of my pain -that was all he said and waited for the other to leave satisfied, but things turned out differently.

Spock reached out a hand and laid it carefully on Kirk's, who remained entwined on the table. And even though the touch was most chaste, that was coming from the vulcan made hard to believe it was really happening.

James felt a chill down his spine and could not help but stand up at all, alarmed, to completely relax the next moment. It took him a split second to react. Quickly and before the other could retire, he clung to his hands, this time taking them between his tightly, like a drowning man holding the table of his salvation. He looked up, bleary-eyed, and looked at Spock. He felt his heart pounding in his temples, beating strongly in the throat, blocking his path to his voice, in his chest ... then he could not contain himself anymore and let the tears wet his cheeks, stuck his face in the vulcan's hands and cried until his body did not have more strength and fell asleep.

Nevertheless, Spock did not leave. He stood next to Jim, occasionally brushing with his fingers the captain's wet cheeks,  until he stopped crying, exhausted by releasing all those repressed feelings, and sleep took over him.

 

***

 

 When he opened his eyes, Jim realized he was no longer sitting at the table, but lying on his bed. His eyelids were burning and  felt a strange pain in the chest, but at the same time he felt much lighter. He stood up and saw that he was not alone. The first officer was sitting on the edge of the bed, looking at him with an expression that Kirk had a hard time recognizing, as never in the time they had worked together he had seen.

-You did not have to stay, Spock -James said, slightly embarrassed by the presence of the other, remembering what had happened the last time they had been together.

-I just wanted to make sure you were all right -Spock said unperturbed.

-Thank you -was all the captain could answer, unable to express his gratitude in a more appropriate manner. He had not stopped thinking about Miramanee, but now he knew he could not do anything to change what had happened, and that in the end he was not alone in the vastness of the universe that spread out before him. He had the greatest consolation that a man may want ...

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic for this fandom. I hope it's not a complete crap and some of you enjoy it. 
> 
> I must also add that it is a translation of the Spanish, as practice for future translations, and as I have not a proofreader, it is probably a disaster, so please let me know if it can be improved.


End file.
